Hmm... Well then, it's good you've posted another fic so soon. ^^ An amusing one at that - some crazy stuff in there! XP However, I have to note on the OOCness of the characters - it can slide, because it's more of a crack fic at any rate, and sometimes the characters are funnier out of character. On the other hand, the style of this fanfiction is a little different from the other you wrote, Cherish. You've used script format here - and while it can be somewhat effective at times, it's generally not very useful in fanfiction and makes for reading a little bit difficult. Might I suggest paying some attention to the spelling and grammar, as well as author's notes that may interrupt flow, and perhaps if you want to, trying to alter the script format into one that can be more detailed, one of prose? Also, it's somewhat interrupting to a reader when the characters are constantly making emoticon faces, rather than describing the emotion portrayed.

Well, I'll keep reading to see what the rest of the fic will turn out as, and I hope this didn't seem too harsh. Keep on writing! ^^